Lean On Me

So, here I am in bed at 9:37am, with a fuzzy head and a lingering temperature.  I'm listening to "Lean On Me" sung by Bill Withers as I consider which songs to teach the Teens for the 2 Teen Camps coming up.  These lyrics suddenly hit me:

"Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you won't let show."

Over the past few weeks, I've been thinking about this in my friendships.  Do I let people see my needs?  I almost didn't want to tell people I'm sick, because I don't want them to think I'm complaining or that I'm a baby.

I went to a seminar on Schema Therapy my first week in Kiev, and they taught about different core needs every human being has.  There are ways we interpret these needs not being met, which become life traps that are triggered later in life.  These are unhealthy, distorted views on reality. (I'd even call them lies from Satan, if you want to take a Biblical perspective.)

I am realizing that one of the big lies I've believed is that my needs are bad, and I shouldn't have any.  Since I can't seem NOT to have them, I try to hide these wicked needs so that people don't figure out that there's something wrong with me (another big lie I've believed) for having them, and so won't abandon me or stop loving me (yet another lie).

Yet, as the song talks about, we all have needs.  We ALL need somebody to lean on.  This means YOU, Shaela.

"Nooooo!  I don't need anything.  I'm fine!  See?" *coughcough, wobble, crash*

And what does this do for my relationships?  Keeps them at a safe distance.  You can't leave or abandon what you never had.  You can't hurt what you can't touch.

And so my heart stays safe, hidden...alone.

Sometimes, it wakes up
in the darkness,
frightened,
reaching out
in the emptiness,
calling for help,
for friendship,
for love...!

But then remembers the
pain of rejection
when it has reached outside
before and been slapped away,
and so curls up with itself
again, 
alone,
and cries itself
to sleep.

Hmm...amazing that I forget so quickly that I am not alone in these feelings, in these needs.  Amazing how quickly I forget the truth.

So, let me try to reach out again, at the risk of being hurt, for the hope of being loved.  Let me tell my friends that I need them, that I want them in my life, that I am weak and cannot do this on my own.  Let me admit that I have and will fail them, though I wish I hadn't and never will again.  Let me ask for their mercy, for their forgiveness, for their love and affection, for I NEED them.  And--(I have to believe)--they actually need me, too.

What do you think?  Do you have any needs you're afraid to let show?  Maybe they've gone unmet in the past...

Thankfully, we can always reach for God, who will never disappoint these needs that draw us back to him.