It was going GREAT the first 5 or 6 days. I was arriving early, sometimes by 30 minutes or more, just to make sure. It felt so good to have time to think, relax, or write in my notebook while waiting and not feeling rushed or guilty for being late.
Then I started getting overconfident. I started to budget less and less of a buffer, getting to my destination 6 minutes, or 5 minutes early, rationalizing that I was still on time. One compromise and rationalization led to another, until finally, I gave up the goal completely.
I actually remember the moment of the decision. I rationalized that I was at the mercy of someone else's schedule and decision. I gave up my own integrity to surrender to the other person's prerogative, instead of communicating that I wanted to be at our destination earlier than they suggested, because people were waiting and I wanted to respect their time.
I chickened out.
I've noticed what a coward I can be when I don't want to be rejected.
The Schema Therapy would categorize it under the "Subjugation" schema. I subject myself to the other person's desires without even expressing my own, because I'm afraid of their rejection or angry response.
So, I'm going to try SMART GOAL #1 again. :) It has made a big difference already in my habit. I'm beginning to be early to appointments more consistently since then.
And if I find myself ready to compromise in order to avoid rejection, well, I get another opportunity to respond differently! So, here we go again.
One week, 10 minutes early to each of my appointments, starting today, ending next Tuesday.
Speaking of which, I'd better go get ready so I can be early to my tutoring session!
I'll keep you posted!
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